Today I've been thinking.......

.....a lot about how our love for our children has to change as they grow and change. I remember when both mine were newborns and all they needed was to be held and loved and fed and changed. If I put them down, even for a second, they would scream like crazy and I would rush back over to pick them back up. But as they grew and became mobile, they weren't so innocent anymore. My love had to change. Not only did they not want to be held and loved on constantly, but they needed to get down and explore and make mistakes. They began needing guidance. I miss those days when all I had to do was love them. Or I guess I should say miss the days when I only had to hold them. I think that is part of why I want another baby. To have that back. You can't just love and hug your kids forever. You have to love them thru discipline and correction and chores when they are older. It would be so easy just to let Hannah stay home from school whenever she whined or just didn't feel like going but how would that help her in life? Obviously, it wouldn't! I would love to not make her clean her room or get all her junk out of the livingroom every day but how would that help her? She has gotten really bad about asking me to do everything for her. From putting her socks on to getting her drink that is 1 ft away from her! Sometimes I feel bad to say "no, you have to get it yourself" or "you have to learn to do it on your own". But I know that I am only helping her. I just wish she knew that. So, hope that made sense to everyone. Life is so weird. Every day I find myself doing things that I said I would never do to my kids. I feel like I am learning so much everyday. God is good. I wish i didn't love this life so much because I know it could end any minute. I would love for the rapture to happen right now so I would know both my kids would go to heaven but I also want to be able to see them grow up. I want to be a grandma. I want to grow old with Brad and have a house to ourselves when the kids have moved out. I want to experience life in general. But I don't want my kids to ever have hard times. I don't ever want them to be sad. This is getting too depressing so I think I will stop now.